I was chatting with a writer friend the other day and she needed a term of endearment for one of her characters to call another. You know, like “honey” or “baby” or “sweetheart.” I knew these two characters and tried to think about what they would call each other and I realized just how much the terms of endearment can say about a couple!

This got me thinking. JP has several terms he uses with me (none of which I shall mention here 🙂 and they’re all names that have developed and changed over the course of our relationship. There are different names (endearing names) he calls me when I’m acting grouchy, when he’s teasing, when we’re on the phone and when I refuse to get up in the morning on a weekday (which are all variations on the same theme). These terms are somewhat born of our relationship, of the fact that we’ve spent five (FIVE!!) years together. To a certain extent, they’re like a secret language between the two of us — the quirks that make our relationship different from others.

And so coming up with terms of endearment for characters isn’t as easy as saying “would he call her ‘love’ or ‘baby’ or ‘snookums’?” You have to think about the course of their relationship, how they interact with each other on a daily basis. You have to understand where they come from.

For example, my mom and step-father call each other “mi amor” (“my love” in Spanish). They both grew up on banana plantations in Latin America — it’s their shared history (and what brought them together later in life) and so by using a Spanish endearment, they’re paying tribute to that. That little detail can tell you a lot about their relationship.

Another example, I call one of my sisters “Yay.” Her actual name is Jenny and there’s this whole long convoluted story behind how I came up with that name (which is short for “yay-yay”). But still, I call her Yay or Yay-Yay — it’s a term I’ve used for decades. Go figure!

Trying to brainstorm with my friend, it was just so surprising to realize not only how hard it is to come up with a good term of endearment, but how much doing so can reflect on the characters’ relationship and shared history. It really is a small detail that can tell you so much!

What do you think? Do you have a term of endearment that you use that shows something unique about your relationship?