I remember the first time The Boy fell asleep on my couch. We were in law school and it was exam time and I had a real fire going in the fireplace. I sat in front of the fire in my crazy-creek chair with my Trust & Estates outline (canned) on my knees. Obstensively The Boy was also studying. He’d started out with a large red-brown law book held in one hand in the air (I was always so impressed he could hold those books with one hand while lying down, and that he didn’t have to take notes or highlight or underline but could just…absorb… the information). But the book was elsewhere now.
His arms were crossed over his chest. I think he was wearing a white button down shirt with some sort of pattern, the cuffs of the arms rolled up to show his forearms dusted with blond hair. He wore flat front khakis and his feet were bare – his shoes and socks tossed somewhere on the floor.
He slept with his mouth open a little, his lips looked so soft. The Boy is a big guy – 6’3″, tall and broad shouldered. He filled my couch. And I remember thinking, “there is a man on my couch.” Not a boy, not a kid, but a man. Even though he is younger than I am. I remember the feeling of awe that this beautiful creature could just fall asleep in my presense. That he felt so at ease, so comfortable. So gentle.
I couldn’t help but sneak glances at him as I studied. Sometimes just pausing to stare at him. To watch his chest rist and fall. I think a part of me fell in awe with him then. Maybe not love just yet because it was early. But I can still remember that moment so brightly, as if it was a turning point rather than just a guy taking a nap.
Right now, 3+ years later, The Boy is asleep on the couch in our living room. Tonight he’s wearing a teal fleece we got on a trip to the San Juan Islands, the sleeves pushed over his elbows. He has on blue windpants with a few patches of dirt from playing with the dog. He lies on his side tonight, not his back, and his mouth is closed.
But still… it reminds me of that first nap. That first time I ever saw him asleep. Of the trust he placed in me that I would take care of the world while he rested and that I would be there when he woke up.
And I will.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Thanks for stopping by my blog – I enjoyed your mother’s comment in the previous post. It is so true. I think for the first book you just have to get ‘er done but as you finish other manuscripts the editing, the planning and research becomes more efficient because you know more of how you write. My motto is to get some words on a page a day – even if it’s just my blog. It all leads to something.